Trouble with a Capital T!

In August of 2011, my husband and I had traveled to a conference in Rhode Island by train. I love trains! While we were there we received a call from one of my husband's two brothers that Dad had fallen and fractured his right femur. We would find out later that it was actually his hip. This was the beginning of trouble for Mom and Dad. Trouble that would force us to take their care into our own hands. Trouble with a capital T!

Dad had long ago developed a habit of riding his bicycle around his neighborhood every day. At 84 years, he was still doing this. This particular day, he fell from his bike and lay in the road until a neighbor saw him and called an ambulance. Fortunately for us, both of my husband's brothers were able to travel to Delaware immediately.

When the elderly have to be anesthetized, it sometimes has a bad effect on their cognition. Dad's fracture was bad enough that he had to have surgery to place a rod in his hip. One week after he was discharged from the hospital, he fell and bent the rod and had to have it removed an another one placed. These two surgeries had a obvious effect on him, both mentally and physically. At this point, we still did not realize the scope of their waning mental abilities.

A little history about Mom and Dad; Dad has always taken care of Mom. Even when she was healthy, he took care of her. He, like my husband, has a caretaker's heart. About six to eight years ago, Mom had fractured her leg. Dad had been teaching CPR Instructors that day and she had decided to do yard work. She fell and lay in the drizzling rain until she was found and an ambulance called. This intensified Dad's need to care for her.

Back to Dad: One evening, about a week after Dad was discharged from the hospital the second time, Mom called to say that Dad was back in the hospital because she couldn't wake him up. She said that she first thought that he was just sleeping late, but as time went on, she became concerned and went into his room to try to wake him. When he wouldn't respond to his name and her shaking him, she decided to get dressed and go to the neighbor's house for help.

When we learned this from the neighbor later, this was the indicator for us that something was wrong with Mom. Mom is a retired RN. The fact that she didn't call 911 right away spoke volumes to us.

The EMTs found Dad's Pulse Ox to be 51%. Normal is the upper 90s to 100%. His Blood Sugar was 17. I don't know how he was even alive since a normal Fasting Blood Sugar is 75 to less than 100.

As I said in an earlier post, Mom is able to appear normal for short periods of time. When the hospital staff was unable to convince Dad that his former insulin dose was too high, they asked Mom to give it to him. They could not have known that she would completely forget this conversation before the day was over.

Dad was angry about being in the hospital and insisted on being discharged. My husband's older brother set Mom and Dad up with home health visits. Together, Mom and Dad fired a number of these workers and eventually started locking the door and refusing to let them in at all. Since this failed, he set Mom up with a "life alert" type device, which she never used. And even refused to wear.

Three days after he was discharged from this third hospitalization since August, Mom again could not wake Dad. For the second time in a week, Mom got dressed and went to the neighbors house to say that she wouldn't wake Dad. Dad was taken back to the hospital for the fourth time with symptoms similar to the third hospitalization.

We finally had a clear picture of what was happening. Mom and Dad were no longer able to care for themselves or each other.

Dad was discharged to a rehab center this time, to undergo speech, occupational and physical therapy. My husband and I, and his brothers all visited at different times in an effort to keep Mom from being alone at home. She was very resistant to any assistance.

Though these attempts to help Mom and Dad live at home failed for us, I think that they are still good steps to try, especially if you live a long distance from your parents or aren't available to check on them several times a day. We would have loved to see them stay in their home. Its what they always expected. But for them, it was not to be.